@heatherlou_: Why are people still calling my phone I thought we covered this at orientation...
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@SomeChrisTweets: *ding* This is your captain speaking. We... Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We're out of fuel.
@BromanConsul: "Science HAS gone too far," I whisper, gazing out across the sea of boneless chickens slithering through the farmyard. The Colonel laughs.
@fro_vo: [on a speed date] (okay don’t let her know you’re a zombie) “so, what do you like best in a woman?” BRAAAIIINNNSS