@SemFitty: Why are sloths one of the 7 deadly sins? Those little guys don't hurt anybody. They just chill all day.
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@AnkCoupleTO: I tattooed the word "WINNER" on my forehead in case I meet anyone new and they have any doubts
@MartaEffing: I'm sorry I broke your finger, but seriously, what did you expect would happen when you tried to eat the last two fries off my plate?
@PieChord: Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
@Mikecanrant: Whoever named them "urinal cakes" has grossly underestimated my love for cake. On a side note, what is the strongest toothpaste available?