@DBMaxP: Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?
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@david8hughes: Wife: whats that? Son: I painted a picture of a cat Wife: it's very good Me: if it was very good you wouldn't have needed to ask what it was
@Ygrene: [First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I… (trying to impress her) …am a criminal
@LADaddy: Keep in mind that "The Cat in the Hat" is a lesson to your kids on how to throw a house party when you're gone...
@dlockw21: *Opening presents 1986: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow! 2016: Please be a crossbow! Please be a crossbow!