@andyerikson: Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?
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@ShutUpThatsWho: [NASA press conf] "good news: we found a cat on Mars" REPORTER: & the bad news? "[recalls Curiosity rover running it over] uh it's sleeping"
@Sal0630: *looks under bed* *checks closet* *shuts light, runs to bed* *pulls covers over head* *ice maker dumps ice* *dies from cardiac arrest*
@noog: *playing Mortal Kombat* Her: Can I try? Me: Sure. Her: Which one of them shoots that Handookie thingie? Me: Hadouken? Her: Yea. Me: Leave.