@Cryptic1iam: Why are they called condoms and not woody hoodies?
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@Ygrene: Scientists now believe that approx 2% of Earth's water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
@Gowitty: Evening News is where they begin with 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
@hashtagyolo11: BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?
@hurlarious: Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?