@DaddyJew: Boss:my office, now! Me:*to myself* dont be about Twitter dont be about Twitter B:we've had a sexual harassment complaint M:Oh thank God!

@SilverKick: Emotions don't scare me. People who manage to hide theirs completely, do.

@KingRainhead: When I become a ghost, Im going to leave messages in blood, but theyre gonna be overwhelmingly positive, like "You're Doing A Great Job"

@TysonMarie: If you really think about it. Its kind of weird "yoga pants" are worn so much. That's like a guy wearing baseball pants to go get groceries

@RickAaron: "I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".