@curlymalloy: Why are they giving Lance Armstrong a hard time about doping???... Going to the moon is very scary shit!!!
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@WonderMonkey78: Atheists don't believe in God or the "i before e except after c" rule of spelling.
@TitansHomer: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce. *drops mic, throws up dynasty sign*
@kevinseccia: The new $100 bills are insane. A purple stripe, the hologram thingy, the Ben Franklin that says "kill, kill, kill" as his eyes swirl...
@AndyAsAdjective: Respond to every "How was your weekend?" today by staring off into the distance & whispering "So much blood..."