@curlymalloy: Why are they giving Lance Armstrong a hard time about doping???... Going to the moon is very scary shit!!!
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@thenatewolf: Detective: someone's been stealing boats, can we look in your basement? Me: I don't have a basement *sound of foghorn from basement*
@weinerdog4life: There is a button on my microwave that says "super clown" and I do not ever push that button
@iVanillaGorilla: You know you where drunk last night when you realise you cooked your pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees