@vmochama: why are we mad at Beyonce for cultural appropriation when we could be mad that she made us listen to a Coldplay song?
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I wonder if the people who camp out in front of stores for Black Friday sales realize there are online sales too.
@Jeffwni: Wife: There's a spider in the kids' bedroom Me: I'll take care of it *raises spider like one of my own* *has a little cry when it graduates*
@SCbchbum: My dog crosses her paws regally while lying on the floor, like she didn't just eat the contents of the bathroom trash can.
@INDlAN_: [shootout] Cop: I said fire a warning shot Me: I already did. Cop: you shot him in the face Me: warning the others that I’m a very good shot