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@The_JRM: "Why are you glowing?"
"I've been eating light."
@RefractReality: People who live in stone houses can throw all the glass they want.
@JoParkerBear: They said if gay marriage became legal, people would start marrying dogs and cats, but I guess that was just another bs political promise.
@thedaisycomplex: If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it's doubtful you'd advise me to be "on it".
@TitansHomer: Me: what are we doing today
Trainer: let work on your forearms.
Me: but I only have 2
Me: *whispers* I only have 2?
@whalesmells: me: so did it hurt?
her: yes, a lot
me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye?
her: I SAID YES