@dixonshuman: Why aren't marriage prevention hotlines a thing?
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@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."
@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
@Cheeseboy22: My son just told me he's changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.