@robdelaney: Why aren't these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge? Don't they want to get better?
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@FrenulumBreve: [homocide scene] DETECTIVE:"my god, in my 25 years on the force i've never seen a dead ghost." COP:"sir?, we covered the body with a sheet."
@SuadShamma: "The sum of the cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrot divided by the mayo. That is Cole's Law."
@DirtMcTurd: My friends call me Superman, not because I help people, its because I wear the same clothes everyday