@_Kayditty: Why can't I be rubied or diamonded. NOOO. I had to be jaded.
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@AndyAsAdjective: ME: [shouting upstairs] dinner's ready! 6YR OLD: what are we having? ME: you'll like it! trust me! 6: I ain't falling for that shit again
@robfee: Lynyrd Skynyrd wrote a song about how great Alabama is, and the only thing they could come up with is that the sky is really blue.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: Why is the zoo calling us about a missing coyote? ME: [bleeding profusely] So... not a dog