@E_lok44: "Why can't I just eat the wax?"
~me, when I can't open the cheese
@TheTweetOfGod: When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using Apple Maps.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [NASA press conf]
"good news: we found a cat on Mars"
REPORTER: & the bad news?
"[recalls Curiosity rover running it over] uh it's sleeping"
@scorpicpanda: I only watch French tv shows so my dogs think I'm more cultured than I actually am.
@candygrlMT: Stop telling me your newborns weight and length. I don't know what to do with that information.
@lizetagge: Don't ever forget the 'L' if you ever Google - Grandfather Clock