@E_lok44: "Why can't I just eat the wax?"
~me, when I can't open the cheese
@Mickey_McCauley: "The book was way better" - hobo trying to burn a DVD for warmth
@audipenny: friend: wish you were here!
me, abruptly stopping whatever I'm doing and captaining a speedboat approaching your house: oh really
@balloonsmatt: Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that’s why we’re getting a divorce and marrying you instead.
@Marlebean: It's a bit unnerving when "make chloroform" & "make friends" are the top suggestions as I type "how to" in the search engine...
@MermaidintheUSA: I did squats today. Mostly because I was hiding from a coworker.