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@Derpey: Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
@SatansTongue: (Selling my soul)
Just sign here and here
"I should have a lawyer read this"
*a million lawyers crawl through hell*
We have plenty of those
@shayf_: What doesn't kill me makes me smaller - Mario
@BubblesnBooze: My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.
@KalvinMacleod: Wile E Coyote: I can't get rid of this headache
*anvil drops on his head*
*bus flattens him*
Dr: it's probably stress-related
@nPhelendriqal: This looks like a job for..
*I rip open my jacket*
Jacket Repair Man!
*I sew my jacket back together*