@bobvulfov: Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? "hey let me show u my weirdest finger because i'm down with what ur saying"
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@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
@Scdavis24: I emailed my ex-girlfriend "Are you still alive" and she emailed back "No" which made me sad but also excited that they have email in hell.
@Underchilde: My girlfriend told me to “tread lightly.” So when I ran over her, I drove really slow.