@bobvulfov: Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? "hey let me show u my weirdest finger because i'm down with what ur saying"
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@sameblacklist: Never trust an anti-aging lotion that has an expiry date.
@ATorres2181: *walks in *wife is murdered *looks at mirror (Written in blood) YOUR NEXT "My next what? *from the closet "Oh sorry typo I meant you're.
@KentWGraham: If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say “You’re an idiot” to just about anyone you walk past.
@DaddyJew: Judge: do you have a lawyer or will you be representing yourself? Me: *adjusts tie* neither your honor *a sock puppet slowly emerges from my briefcase*
@JJSummertime: It is snowing perfect snowball packing snow right now, so I was wondering if anyone would like to walk slowly past my house?
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