@terrycjt: Why didn't Spider-Man's enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
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@ComedicBust: [About to have sex] Me: I want you so bad. Her: Take me. Me: [rips off panties] Her: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING PANTIES
@joejwest: DATE: I'm leaving ME: Why? D: You keep pretending to be a bat M: I don't D: You're doing it right now [a single tear rolls up my forehead]
@funnweaver: My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab potential taco thieves.