@chairmanMAO_92: Why didn't the people in the movie Armageddon just hold up a big sheet of paper when the meteor was coming? Paper beats rock...
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@truegritrumble: WIFE: Were you harassing that old gypsy woman again? ME: *fighting off a crow* Of course not! WIFE: You lying to me? ME: No. *rains frogs*
@krishna_van: "Give me a positive adjective..." "Splendid." "Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?" "Splendidn't."
@CruisinSoozan: As kids, we wondered why our parents were always in a bad mood. Now we're like, okay yes this makes sense.