@kumailn: Why didn't we learn about essential oils in school? I mean, that shit is ESSENTIAL. Should've been the first lesson!
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@LosLos__: Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
@Eightinchgoat: Worst things about mid 40's: 1. Catching a view of yourself naked in the mirror. 2. Crying too hard to complete this list.
@CheryeDavis: Saw a guy walking down the street talking to himself, hand gestures and all...So I did the right thing, stopped and told him about Twitter.
@KeetPotato: if you walk up to a british policeman and play the benny hill music he legally has to chase you until you turn it off