@Spotzwoj: Why do all zombies have sprained ankles?
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@Barknado69: Waiter: how did you two meet Me: this is actually a blind date W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET
@adamhess1: Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother.
@oxygenplug: "we're out of bread" "ciabatta be kidding!" [waiter takes out gun] "make another bread pun and ur toast, pal... shit" [i take out my gun]
@Baxterbix: Woke up with a hangover to the sound of my neighbor cutting the grass. He can cut around me, I'm not movin'.