@Spotzwoj: Why do all zombies have sprained ankles?
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@BromanConsul: "It doesn't say anywhere that you have to EAT them, you see," I explain to the Olive Garden waitress as my breadstick kingdom adds a library
@MoistPork: Just once, I'd ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I'm driving, especially considering I've had 12 beers.
@DirtMcTurd: [Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue