@OurMarketingGuy: Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
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@Underchilde: [Minister]: Do you take this woman to be your lawful— [Groom]: I’m just here for the open bar.
@JohnDuffy21: Social networking has become a club. Twitter is the dance floor. Instagram is the bar and Facebook is the people crying in the bathroom.
@Marlebean: My kids are so sweet! Even if they wake up early, they'll destroy the house quietly so I can still rest.