@Rollinintheseat: Why do authors subtitle their books, "A Novel". Did someone look at their book one day and say "I thought this was a sandwich?"
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@realHamOnWry: It just seems crazy that the final apocalypse could be started by a guy who says "You're fired" every time he launches a nuke.
@3sunzzz: Tip from my mom: Always wear your bathrobe when at home. Then if somebody stops by unexpectedly you're "just about to hop in the shower".
@SortaBad: Taco Bell manager: I'm sorry, you didn't get the job. It's your drug test Me: so you mean... Manager: yes, you passed. Get high & re-apply
@macchiatonumb: *Me getting pulled over* Me:license and registration please? Guy police officer :I pulled u over.. Me:do u really want to argue with me?