@behindyourback: Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich
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@TheMichaelRock: Wanna have a little fun? Go to Facebook and post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
@DaddyJew: Her: have you had the sex talk with our son yet? Me: *looks over at son wearing crocs* I think we can wait a few years
@dril: my favorite part of nascar is when I vomit all over my shirt and car after the race., desecrating the logos of the brands that enslave me
@shegotagronk: If you're ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she's not hot enough to be that crazy.