@IamEnidColeslaw: WHY DO BUGS KEEP FLYING AROUND YOU WHEN YOU ARE CLEARLY TRYING TO KILL THEM
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@nedroid: here's my dating advice. Take your date to go-karts. everyone loves go-karts. I just solved your life. you're welcome
@KyleMcDowell86: *pulls fire alarm in apt building* *everyone runs outside* [Me on megaphone]IVE GATHERED U HERE B/C SOME OF U STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP
@Elizasoul80: Turn your trip to the grocery store into a ninja challenge by shopping strictly out of other people's carts when they're not looking.
@Just_Lee_: Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit.