@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
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@tastefactory: VICTIM: He had a beard & a scar SKETCH ARTIST: Is this him? VICTIM: That's Bart Simpson SKETCH ARTIST: Yeah I can only draw a couple things
@T_Bonezzz: SURVIVAL TIP If a gummy bear is chasing you, curl up like a ball and pretend you're stoned
@iGreenMonk: Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Me: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.