@goldengateblond: Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs? It's a baby, not a stash of heroin.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Robert_Beau: I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.
@jewfacekilla: Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too