@savvystrider: Why do people assume I know all about computers just because I'm from India? That makes so I angry I just want to 01010010101010101010101
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@careworn: When a guy wearing cargo pants hits on me I'm tempted to go out with him just to see how many of my belongings I can fit into his pockets.
@NickSchug: Just once in movies when someone gently shuts a dead person's eyes I want them to whisper "Ew, ew, ew, ew." while doing it.
@titanrn: Wife ran into my ex girlfriend today. I asked if she still looked good? Always wondered what the worst thing I could say was. That was it.
@ericsshadow: [my son threatens to run away after I take away his iPad] "Here $60. It's all I have. Call if you need more."