@mommywhines: Enjoyed 3 minutes and 42 seconds of extra sleep this morning by letting my kids stay up 5 hours past their bedtime
@Shock_Monster: Him: Come check out my church!
Me:
Him: They play rock music!
Me:
Him: It's cool!
Me: Does it have church in it?
Him: Yes...
Me: *click*
@KevinFarzad: Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
@AmericanGent69: 4 year old twins that dress alike: aww that’s cute
40 year old twins that dress alike: ok knock that shit off it’s kinda creepy.
@dumbbeezie: The government has already implanted chips in our heads. Mine are barbecue
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