@karencheee: Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.
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@SteveKoehler22: Damn you, Autocorrect ! Why do you keep changing a word into something that makes no sense ? You are the banner of my existence.
@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.
@OfficeofSteve: Me: The dogs ears are so soft! Wife: I know! Me: I want to make a pillow out of them Wife: ..... Me: Not now obviously, like, when he dies
@joejwest: PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions? ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow? PILOT: Yes it's how most of you will die. Next?