@karencheee: Why do people say children are the future? They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.
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@crunchenhancer: What's the difference between carbon monoxide and spouses? Carbon monoxide is a silent killer.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.
@KenJennings: There's nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their "whooo's a good dog" voice.