@envydatropic: If you stand by and watch someone wreck their life, you're part of the problem And yet we all still go to weddings for the open bar

@_sleepysmile: Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.

@Marlebean: 'A confident swipe of the debit card' is my favorite fantasy.

@Audenary: Oscar Wilde: Always be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Liam Neeson: I will find them. Wilde: Wait, I meant- Neeson: EVERYONE

@SuicideBooth1: [couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS...