@FavoritesYou: Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup? Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!
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@KentWGraham: Why don’t the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?
@C_A_Guardiola: Twitter mobile app is still showing stars not hearts so I'm going to stay on here like those violinists at the end of Titanic.
@murrman5: [to the secretary before I go in for job interview] "when the music starts, hit this button and that will activate the fog machine"
@yaboybillnye: WTF VAMPIRE BATS WILL VOMIT BLOOD INTO MOUTHS OF SICK BATS 2 KEEP THEM ALIVE THATS DOPE AF & STILL A BETTER LOVESTORY THAN TWILIGHT