@FavoritesYou: Why do people say its not you... it's me in a breakup? Yeah it's YOU, you're an idiot! I'm amazing... ask your brother!
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@MarfSalvador: [Valentine's Day] Me: I got you a bunch of flowers GF: Thanks Me: There were loads just by the roadside. Got you a teddy and a candle too
@Nicoleroxxu: One more glass of wine and my "only a lesbian from the waist up" rule is about to go out the window.
@BastardProphet: Me: I am become death. Destroyer of worlds. Her: Will you please just spray the hornets' nest? Me: K.
@JermHimselfish: In spite of what you might have heard, some pretty magical things happen behind dirty dumpsters in shady alleys.