@FunnyJokeBook: Why do pretty faces happen to bad people?
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@neiltyson: Urge is strong to leave work early on summer Fridays to avoid traffic. Most do it & become the traffic they sought to avoid.
@drxubair: I'd love to change the world. But I don't think there is a diaper big enough to hold all the shit.
@Just__J0: 17: Want to see a movie? Me: Sure. 17: Afternoon show only, so no one sees us together. Me: Ok. *Posts pic on IG. Tags all her friends.
@iwearaonesie: [movie theater] *reaches into wife's purse* *pulls out lasagna* me: Told you it'd work