@GoldenSpirals: Why do they call it a "shit-eating grin"? I don't think I'd be smiling if I was eating shit.
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@AndyAsAdjective: ME: honey, just tap me on the arm tonight if you think I've gotten too drunk WIFE: I've been tapping your arm for the last 2 hours
@respected_loner: i hate when the news guys say "our nation's capital". stop jerking us around and tell us what city it is
@ElizaBayne: If you accidentally get stuck holding the door for a bunch of people. 1. Relax 2. Accept your fate 3. You are part of the building now