@GoldenSpirals: Why do they call it a "shit-eating grin"? I don't think I'd be smiling if I was eating shit.
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@DanMentos: billy joel: we didn’t start the fire detective: I haven’t mentioned a fire billy joel: shit
@McNevich: Had pumpkin flavored coffee this morning and immediately signed up for a Zumba class and kidnapped 2 kids and drove them to a soccer field
@Breadery: When my kids misbehave we watch 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids' and then I make them stand in a giant Petri dish while I set up the machine.
@Brianhopecomedy: "Daddy, I-" *presses button for soundproof backseat divider Wife: "HOW MUCH DID-" *presses button for soundproof passenger seat divider