@WilliamAder: Why do they even bother having different brands of milk?
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@thatUPSdude: Me: Want some of my nachos? Coworker: I don't like nachos. Me: Hello 911, what's consider premeditated murder?
@samalmightysam: ''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar
@ieatanddrink: A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth
@lazerdoov: Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot