@slimmy_shady: Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them?
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@MandiAtRandom: Officer: Did u know your back light is out Me: I don't know if you noticed... I'm inside the car. You had a bit of an advantage
@trojansauce: [titanic] SAILER: but captain there's an ice berg right ahead CAPTAIN WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A SHARK: i said straight ahead
@SonOfCha: Guy on SportsCenter just said Tiger Woods is "swinging a mean stick", so look out, ladies. He's back.