@slimmy_shady: Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them?
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@EJGomez: *slams fists on coffee table* WHAT WAS SCAR FROM LION KINGS NAME BEFORE HE GOT THE SCAR
@daemonic3: WIFE: remember to pick him up at 5 ME: ok [later] ME: [dropping 3-year-old son off at daycare] see ya in 2 years, bud
@HeyoShellz: My 4 year old refused his dinner but it's ok because I caught him eating a Milkbone earlier
@FrenulumBreve: PIGEON MAGICIAN: I want you to pick a car, any car...DONT TELL ME!. Ok [shits on windscreen] is THIS the car you chose?