@slimmy_shady: Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them?
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@samalmightysam: I don't like to brag about going to expensive places, but I just went to the gas station.
@tat2skatermom: I have a doorbell chime for text messages. I just checked my door twice. I don’t have a doorbell. Line up boys. This kinda genius is rare.
@Ristolable: The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I tweeted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"