@Adam_Kingsnorth: Why do they say "character actress"? Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture?
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@just1fool: Sleeping with me is a lot like sleeping with a stuffed animal. But that's only after I've eaten Mexican food.
@rockymomax: [in bed] HER: talk dirty to me ME: one time I licked the floor of a subway HER: I meant- ME: I use a rat as a loofa
@kwirkyKerri: I darkened my hair and now people expect me to be smart too. It's exhausting. Send bleach.
@aksorojas: "Yeah, and she's not breathing. Should I call someone?" "Yes!" "Hello! Yes, hello Pizza Hut, she's not breathing."