@o__0Dev: Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
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@SweetTweetsBRO: I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along.
@LeonEarlgrey: Hey girl are you my golf clubs? Because I tottaly forgot to take you out of my trunk.
@BobTheSuit: I need some sun. My legs are so white they just drove to Whole Foods in their Prius.
@Brianhopecomedy: Apparently saying, "Oh, I just came to watch" makes everyone else uncomfortable in the Pilates class.