@weedguy420boner: why do we park in the driveway but fetishize an impossible and ridiculous masculinity on the hemingway
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@Lisa_Laughs_: Detective: Where were you on the night- Me: Twitter Detective: Between the hour- Me: Twitter Detective: I wasn't fini- Me: Twitter
@SharkJelly: *in a fight with Humpty Dumpty* "You don't scare me, I eat eggs like you for breakfast"
@KalvinMacleod: GOD: I've created donuts ANGEL: ooh they're yummy but why the hole? GOD: ANGEL: GOD: ANGEL: because they are holy GOD: because they are holy
@Kalarlis: my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate's dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG