@SadPeruna: Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom's boyfriend Craig won't let me call him Dad when we hug?
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@goldengateblond: OBAMA: I want to close Gitmo GOP: no OBAMA: But you haven't even— GOP: no OBAMA: ... GOP: no OBAMA: I'm resigning GOP: no OBAMA: haha gotcha
@Kim_pulsive: Lorde wrote her Grammy nominated album at age 14. My son is 13 and has let the bathtub overflow twice while he was sitting INSIDE of it.
@archerenemy: Twitter...because if it can't be described in 140 characters or less, did it really ever happen?
@SCbchbum: I listen to Ed Sheeran in the same way I stuff an entire cupcake in my mouth over the sink hoping no one will see.