@SadPeruna: Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom's boyfriend Craig won't let me call him Dad when we hug?
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@topaz_kell: [talking to myself in the mirror] "You will not be awkward today." Person: "Hey" Me: "Good. How are you?"
@Jen_says_nah: Texts friend: sorry, I'm running late. Friend: no problem, let me know when you're on your way. [ 6 weeks later] Ok I've left.
@adler_chris: Do not let #FyreFestival refugees into the country. We cannot risk it if even ONE of them has been radicalized.
@Mr_Kapowski: 90% of women that wear yoga pants probably don't do yoga. 100% of straight men don't care.