@AllanCresswell: Why do you ask me to press 1 for english when you know damn well you're going to transfer me to someone who doesn't speak english?
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@BubblesnBooze: I just found a human tooth and a pair of underwear in my purse. I might be a serial killer or I might be a mom, you'll never know.
@markydoodoo: Go suck an egg. Lick a mango. Breathe on an avocado. Make everyone at the grocery store uncomfortable.
@TheToddWilliams: STICK BUG WIFE: We can't seem to get pregnant DOC: Well, we ran numerous tests… STICK BUG WIFE: …and? DOC: Your husband's an actual stick
@Snarfernini: A good education is pretty important, but I think being good looking might be more importanter.