@AllanCresswell: Why do you ask me to press 1 for english when you know damn well you're going to transfer me to someone who doesn't speak english?
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@MrFornicator: A judge in Oklahoma City wed a couple and then sentenced the groom to prison. That sounds redundant to me.
@Awesome_Todd: Is it "raymen" noodles or "rawmun" noodles? I don't wanna sound stupid when asking the gas station clerk for a wine to complement my dinner.
@weinerdog4life: Me: it's robocop Wife: it's not robocop it's dangerous *a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*
@thenatewolf: YOU: I feel so much better since I started eating more fruits and vegetables. ME: [lighting a french fry like a cigarette] You're weak.