@turtledumplin: Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn't you know you were taking the picture?
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@NikiWithIssues: Hey person who wrote "WASH ME" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you.
@DaHess1: I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the shit out of each other because it's negative.
@_MustBeArkaydia: Twitter is all fun and games until you get that text asking what that tweet was about.
@markydoodoo: I just saw a girl running without headphones and I feel I should call the police. She might be in trouble.