@david8hughes: Why do you love your baby so much. You've only known it for like 4 weeks.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool.
@chilldadpalguy: name a hurricane "Jesus" cuz then u could say "Jesus is coming" & have unaware ppl frantically prepare for rapture
@Jaywoo74: Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She's had a headache for the past 15 years.