@hazelmotes1: "Why does everyone hate me?" I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.
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@samalmightysam: "It's impossible." said pride. "It's risky." said experience. "It's pointless." said reason. "Ggrraadrttgrrtrr." said Chewbacca.
@crunchenhanced: Florida mom delivers 14-pound baby after surprise pregnancy . Florida?? NO PART of this story surprises me.
@Sarcasticsapien: When I ask someone out and they say no I get uncomfortable and just start clapping and saying "Good answer" like people on Family Feud.
@ScreaminMomX2: Parenting tip: If your toddler is being quiet then they are probably doin somethin like tryin to flush the cat down the toilet.