@hazelmotes1: "Why does everyone hate me?" I texted with the clicky keyboard sound turned on.
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@GrandadJFreeman: Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you...
@JermHimselfish: I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake.
@CelebrityChez: How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after you've told your wife that you're gay?
@Cheeseboy22: My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it's the lightning that will kill him.