@FBSisnothere: Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel
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@brycoo: [HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes.
@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
@Book_Krazy: *[At the dinner table]* "No grandma, those aren't knitting needles. We're having Chinese food"
@what_eve_r: my aunt: why u kids always on them phones cant u have a real conversation me: *puts down phone* *crosses legs* why did u melt the ice caps