@FBSisnothere: Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel
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@RikNasty2Point0: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I live in Canada. So, free health care.
@DurtMcHurtt: [dinner at brother's house] "So where are the kids?" Brother: I grounded them. *spits out meatloaf*
@paulablu22: A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
@ehdannyboy: ME: you don't look anything like your profile photo TINDER DATE: LOL no, that's my pug, Arthur *silence for 10mins* ME: is Arthur coming or