@heatherjs: Why does everyone want me to come out of my comfort zone? I worked really hard to get there.
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@SamGrittner: DETECTIVE: Are you the new chalk outline guy? ME: Yes I am DETECTIVE: Stick to the bodies, no more thought bubbles with spaghetti inside them ME: Eve- DETECTIVE: Yes, even if they were thinking about spaghetti
@AnitaHelmet: If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less.
@mcclure111: Men statistically have larger brains than women, which is why men are usually smarter and elephants rule us all from their laser-hovercraft
@iRowlf: Lowe's banned me for yelling "From the windows! To the walls! To the sweat drop down my balls!", as I explained how much carpet I needed.