@theshantilly: Why does laundry happen to good people?
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@AaronFullerton: Considering our obsessions with cats and emojis, the internet really is the new ancient Egypt.
@baeblacksheep: If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you'll be if you're breaking a chair on someone's head every day.
@DaddyJew: Daddy can u get me a drink? "No, you're 5yo you can get your own drink" Fine *goes to fridge "While you're there can you grab me a beer?"
@Emonalisha: If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check