@NOLAN_MA: Why does my 2yo insist on looking homeless when we leave the house?
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@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes Watched all Star Wars movies back to back with my friend. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
@KenJennings: TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty.
@Shock_Monster: "Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter