@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rickygervais: Suggested Thanksgiving Conversation starters: "Which God are we thanking again?" You're welcome :)
@ibid78: [good cop] admit you stole those diamonds [suspect] wait but I peed on them so now they're mine [dog cop] Jim he has a point
@michaelianblack: I always rode clean. Always. Never won any bike races. Never competed. Don't even really know how to ride a bike. #vindicated
@iwearaonesie: me: Go back! uber driver: Did I miss the turn? me [already in the front seat trying to find the station that was playing Taylor Swift]