@thagr8short1: Why does my mustard bottle insist on peeing in my sandwich before dispensing my mustard?
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@sexorpizza: Friend: Hey guess what? Me: What? Friend: No, guess! Me: I don't need this friendship that bad.
@Maxine12339: Unscramble: pnise If you got spine, you are correct. The rest of you have been on twitter too long.
@Fred_Delicious: where do y'all wanna go tonight? Bars? The club? "THE BOG OF DESPAIR" Gary, after the forest of skulls debacle you don't get to pick anymore
@iAmDelFreaky: Her: OMG! You didn't feed my cat while I was away? Me: Do you remember that time you didn't harvest my crops on FarmVille? Now we're even.