@ErikGators: Why does my wife think its weird I talk to a bunch of strangers on the Internet, but it's ok for her to talk to multiple cats.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Truth or dare? -Truth. Ok, go. -I get sexually aroused by ALF. Okaaaay... -Your turn. Truth or dare? Um...dare. -Put on this ALF costume.
@SvetySveta: Daughter made me a dish: Me, swallowing: Mmm, it's so delicious! And even smells like strawberries! Her: It's because of the shampoo.
@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
@Marlebean: They say a long, tight hug releases endorphins to make you feel calm and happy. I think the guy in front of me at this DMV would disagree.