@ErikGators: Why does my wife think its weird I talk to a bunch of strangers on the Internet, but it's ok for her to talk to multiple cats.
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@ojedge: Wife: "Did you know that some idiot paid $96,000 for Princess Leia's gold bikini?" Me: [nervously tightening my robe] "Who would do that?"
@mamatomy3: Me: There is a small tree on fire. 911: Could you describe it? Me:Picture shrubbery...now picture it engulfed in flames.
@ktmcburr: "Omg there's a picture of him blowing smoke out of his mouth. I must bang him this instant"- no one, ever.