@lovemydogduck: Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger & I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.
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@MarfSalvador: me: [flicking through memory book] aww and this is my first pet, hammy the hamster gf: you know you could have just taken a photo
@jakehightower34: Evil Scientist: I will turn you three into...A Human Centipede! Hostage 1: No! Hostage 2: Please! No! Me: So...who gets to be the front?
@jaggings: Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.