@lovemydogduck: Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger & I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Went to a parade. For an hour, bored people on floats waved. For an hour, My 2-year-old waved back. It was the greatest day of her life.
@danjan13: No, I can't come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.
@venomjunkie2: I keep a banana in my pocket just in case, because I’m really not glad to see anybody.