@El_nacho_Nigre: Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming "stay away from me!"
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@TheCatWhisprer: [at home on video conference call] Yeah boss I don't know why I keep dropping. Maybe my connection is bad. *pauses Netflix on 2nd monitor*
@StellaRtwot: Did you know that there is a little lonely man inside automatic towel dispensers that gives you a towel because he's happy you waved to him?
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: What's your phone number? *looks up from phone* Me: I don't have a phone. *looks down at phone* Coworker....