@El_nacho_Nigre: Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming "stay away from me!"
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@hippieswordfish: ME: help someone caught my wife in a big net 911: where M: between 2 trees in our yard 911:a hammock? M: idk what his name is just send help
@CallMeMrBigs: I'm not looking for the woman who reads 50 Shades of Grey. I'm looking for the one that finds it boring.
@River_Niles: Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word Me: Hired Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that??
@SortaBad: I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.