@moose_chocolate: Why does the media always call a stabbing incident a "violent" stabbing incident? Is it possible to stab someone non-violently?
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@LostCatDog: Ladies call me "the turkey sandwich" because I seem bland and boring at first, but then I continue to be boring.
@QwertyJones3: HER: I'll only agree to do nudity if it's done tastefully PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows
@Fred_Delicious: Doctor - "you've been bitten by a spider. Ever see that movie Spider-Man?" Me - "no?" Doctor - "and I'm afraid you never will. You're dying"